Labels: sigh again.

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The tarot card describe me as : The Moon

It has been said many times that things are not always as they seem,
and in the influence of the Moon this axiom is particularly true.
In the moonlight, things that are benevolent during the day can suddenly seem dangerous and malicious.
The very term "moonlight" is misleading because the Moon does not emit light of its own, it simply reflects the light of the Sun.
Some people even claim to see the face of a man on the Moon's cratered surface, though of course such a thing is impossible and only an illusion.
A lot of people who look for that face in the Moon know it could not be there,
but they look nonetheless.


Woah, what does that means?
Hmmmm, i wonder. :D

Labels: tarot card

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Sunshine is Andy lah!
My dearest brother! HAHAHAHA!
He's my sunshine okay :/

He's coming back to SG again! after his volunteer at china.
For another 13 days more. =.=
LOL.






Just a question for you all: What will you do when it all falls apart?

Labels: waxed heart

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I might feel a bit different here.
13 days till you.
or should i phrase it a different way?
13 days without you.
Not even handphone, emails or shits.


sigh, why'd you have to take my sunshine away?

Labels: away.

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近来，我觉得我真得好累，好困。
想要的梦想都离我好遥远；
心，不管这样都好像不在焉。


闷闷不乐的。
做的每一件事；
喜欢上的那个人；
连朋友也是一样；
没有一件是成功的。
真的好困...


头痛，眼痛，手痛，脚痛。
心酸酸的，
那一阵一阵的隐痛，
把呼吸也变得好痛。
我都快喘不过气了。


就在那一瞬间，你的面孔浮面在我的脑海里。
我的心，
感觉上，比现在痛得要一百倍以上。


难道，我真的喜欢上你了吗？


ignore it, if you can't read chinese.
(:

Okay, I was thinking about my family tree.
Was having this conversation with one of my cousin.

(*)(*)(*)FiLiZ aka Judy(*)(*)(*) streSS up on.....WORK: funny hpr
(*)(*)(*)FiLiZ aka Judy(*)(*)(*) streSS up on.....WORK: mai goi give me one
(*)(*)(*)FiLiZ aka Judy(*)(*)(*) streSS up on.....WORK: yr cousin in taiwan
Qhui - counting down; 14 days.: hahaha
Qhui - counting down; 14 days.: which one?
Qhui - counting down; 14 days.: it's like very ridiculous when i look at my family tree.
Qhui - counting down; 14 days.: i only have you all as my cousins
Qhui - counting down; 14 days.: so the rest, i still need to ask, "which one har?"
Qhui - counting down; 14 days.: tsk tsk
Qhui - counting down; 14 days.: ok, the point is, i just feel very funny lah

I really feel very funny in a way.
I feel like we're the boars in the wild.
Eh, i like you, let's fuck man.
no, i think i like you better, let's fuck.
But oops, i've forgotten that i've fucked another one before.

To the extent that, during my grandmother's funeral, they have to introduce me to them.
"Eh, this is your tang ge (cousin) in taiwan."
=.= WTF?
Why would you introduce me my cousin to me?
Ain't we supposed to know each other?!
I was like "knsknnccbbbq, not my problem dude"
okay, i lied.
I was very nice to them.
But, that was in my heart at that time luh!

I was about to say something very obscene, but i've decided to keep it back.
Just that i am still not able to accept all of my cousins except for the few dearest ones.
And surprisingly, there's still alot more I don't know about it.
How complicated.
Tsk tsk.


After all these thoughts,
I dont wanna grow up and learn the complicity of life; or of adult life.
I just wanna be of this age, troubled by what i want to wear;
which guy i like; what should i not eat; what should i buy or not buy;
Even though life seems to get more of it than just the above few options.
But i am contended now.
Still striving to be happy. (:


Love is life and life is living.
how true.

Anyway, sunshine is fading away.
really really. I can feel it!
hahaha. At least i've figured it out;
soon he'll be back.
I guess :/
We shall see then.

Adiós.

Labels: it shouldnt be this way

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Please don't take my sunshine away.
Thank you.

Labels: sunshine

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Okay. Ash & Mic.N keep asking me.
"QingHui, what happened to your high taste in guys ah?"
okokok, I'm gonna tell you how i feel here.

I think, after seeing so much of couples breaking up with each other.
And me, myself had been through that.
I no longer find look a important factor when looking for relationship.
Then again, like I said, I'm not looking for a relationship now.
Yet, I think he's seriously cute eh. HAHAH!
Where got not up to standard? CUTE MAH!
Ok, whatever!
But please, i'm not hoping for more okay!
I'm just saying he's cute and that's it!
Don't think too much lah!



I have my faith up, even though i am fading into the background.
CONTRADICTION RIGHT! aiks.
Don't know how to explain.
But i guess i need faith in myself to do the impossible things.
(:



Okay, I'm bladdering nonsense.
So where's the bloody hell are you?!



oh, one more thing.
I can't read blog that is written in half han yu pin yin, half english.
Gosh, furthermore it's a slut that is use that writing style.
Double pissed off point!


We need to talk. - God

Labels: god

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Usually, I loveeeeee my mum to the max.
Yet another period of time, I really hate her for the insensitive comments she made about me.
Sigh.




Work is fun again!
:D
With nadnad (daisho - don't yabeerrr too much uh) there's never ending bitching, right pink bitch?
HAHAHA.
And i camwhored today!
How surprising and cool right!
Morning shift is really bored in Terminal 1.
Ok, take a look at the pictures then. :p

At the back of the reception counter. LOL.

Ok, i look dumb ! :(

hahaha.
Can't help it peeps.
Dumb & cute.
Oops.


Talking about my uniform.
My super cute Benjamin is trying to fix me a new look.
hahahaha. He said "Let's treat this as a project. A communication project through presentation, and i'm talking about what you wear."
Hahaha. And i took the project up.
He's hunting for the material now.
I'm super lucky right. :D

Ok! There's so many things to digest today.
And I don't want to go school.
Constant Bs are changing my going-school vibe to fuck-school vibe.
I'm losing my momentum again!
Argh!


Anyway, there's something wrong with me today.
For no apparent reasons, I was being stared for nothing. =.=
And the girl is damn ah lian, maybe i look prettier than usual hoh!
WAHAHAHA.
Like i said, global warming is here because of me.
Sigh. Can't help it anymore :p


Good nights!
Sweet dreams!
Tomorrow will be a better day (:

Labels: aiks

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Labels: goodnight, sweetdreams

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Okay, if you think this post is for you.
It's for you then.


I am fed up. Very fed up.
I can't understand why a person with a lot of privileges in life can feel such sadness surrounding them.
You guys don't have to work and study at the same time, I NEED TO.
You don't have to go through the stupid "hey-i-have-only-4-hours-of-sleep-due-to-work" symptom. I HAVE!
You dont have to go through "i-wanna-go-out-but-i-have-work-in-the-morning" symptom. I DO.
You don't have to think thoroughly when you want to buy something because you are scared that the rest of your month you have nothing to eat. I HAVE TO.
SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM MAN?!
I don't even have the freaking time to even think about how to woo a guy (maybe a little? to amuse myself).
Financial is such a terrible thing, really.
When your hands are tight, there's nothing we can do except to pray for the days to pass by faster. Do you know the feeling of this?
Or do you know the feeling like "ok-if-i-buy-this-i-cannot-buy-another-things-already". I think it's been ages since i ever update my wardrobe, to be really honest.


HOWEVER, I AM STILL PROUD OF MY FAMILY.
I don't blame them for not giving me the comfortable lifestyle that everyone has; but in turn I appreciate their efforts for giving me their best.
Work is a different different situation, and during the years, I've learnt much about people. (still, i am very naive when it comes to friends)
I've learnt to be more independent.
Maybe like what you've said, I've been through much more than most of the people.
But the truth is, we are all learning to be a better person.
Me too.
So why, why subject yourself ONLY to love?
Love comes in a lot of forms.
Religion, FAMILY, friends?
Take a step back, relax.
Look around, if the bloody guy/girl don't fucking appreciate you.
Then tell them "burn in hell asshole!"
FACE IT AND WALK AWAY.
Feel the pain, let it engulf you and THEN LET IT GO.
One more thing, you're not obligated to a person, so neither is the person obligated to you. GET IT?
If someone "fly kite", there's nothing you can actually do about it.
Just accept it and then do the normal stuffs!!
I know, it's hard especially when it's your loved one.
But small matters, so why blow it up?
They have their own programme going on, you have yours too!
(:



I think almost everyone is self-centered.
That's a bloody fact that no one can change.
Unless you tell me that you're the holiest man in the world. (Which happened to be the only one in the whole wide world, and he's the pope currently in Vatican City now, and i THINK his name is Benedict XVI.) Then I'll believe you that you're not self-centered.

Come on man, everyone has the tendency to compare.
WHY? ok, i admit that i compare myself with others.
But the problem is, when I do comparison, i don't use the people to pull my spirit down and let them damper my mood or whatsoever that causes me to be sad.
Instead, I used them as a gauge to see where i'm standing in terms of what i am trying to compare.
So that i know how much more should i do in order to reach their standard.


You know, each and everyone has our own problems.
So stop, stop thinking that the world revolve within you and only you.
Nobody is going to stick with you for the rest of your life.
Face the fact, no one will be sticking with you through-out.
At a certain point of time, YES, there'll be friends that will hold you up,
clean your ass a lil, and a lil encouraging pat on your ass to keep you going.
But you think they will do this everytime you fall?
WAIT LONG LONG.


So, please do understand.
You can still talk to me, but i won't promise that i will be here with you all throughout the whole process.
I have my own life, my own job, my own problems. Basically, i have a life.
Work and school = my life now.
Not saying i don't have the source of entertainment, but, i just can't go out too often and slack around.
I need to do my PP, my readings and also to improve my command of English.
I hope that you, as a best friend/friend can understand my situation and stop rubbing salt into the wound.
I will deeply appreciate that.



You once tell me that i can't force the guy i like to like me back.
Now, i'm returning you this sentence to you.
Let him/her go, and free yourself.
The burden will drop.
Please, do not hurt yourself anymore.


Also, after typing out this post, i realised what i want.
But i need to sleep soon.
Talk more about it when i get back from work tomorrow! :D
Nights & sweet dreams

Labels: hard to decide

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My heart didn't just drop a little;
it drops all the way to the end.

I didn't run all the way here and then realise that i am still back on the same ground.
Thta's not the way it supposed to be.
I should be walking on the right path.
My vision is blurred again!
Tsktsk.
Stand by me will you?
Give me a little assurance :D


Gosh i am having high fever now.
I just feel like blogging for a lil while before i turn in to bed.
:(


But i feel happy today (:


Okay, i am always having contradicition :p
arghhh.
okay. good nights peeps!

Labels: ahhh why?

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I can't watch those romantic drama anymore.
Oh my god.
It's so damn sweet; and it will set me thinking that this kind of guy still exist.
Which is also the same as wishing that there is true love.
Most probably it won't happen.


QINGHUI!
go jogging! not watching!
STUDY! not slacking!
arghh.

Maybe i should go back to sleep.
Like what i've done for today.
I slept the whole day..
and it feels great.

Labels: it happens?, LOVE STORY

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Little did I know, you were there to sweep me away.
Who ever thought a day gone so wrong would turn out so lovely..

(:

Labels: ??

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Call me slow or whatever you guys want,
because today, after 19 years of living, I, then realised how fragile can life be.
The thoughts of that woman traumatized me.
She maybe a good mother of her own kids;
a good wife for her husband; a good daughter for her parents..
So many possibilities and thoughts of her.
What kind of person she will be...
Yet in a blink of eye, she was gone.


Just one fall, and that broke her spine.
So many people were fighting for her life.
The doctor, the nurses, our frontdesk receptionists, they didn't give up hopes on her.
But after a few hours, angels of death still took her away as she fought for her last breath of survival.

I can't help but think of her.
Life is so fragile.
Just like a thin thread hanging,
once it snaps, it snaps.

I wonder how life could be different without her for her family.
Will it be dull?
Or not meaningful?
or even lost?

Somehow, this makes me miss my grandmother.
I feel guilty because I am always being the self-centered one.
I fight to equal my standard with others.
I am always talking about myself.
So often that i forget how fragile life can be,
and how beautiful life can be.
I should stop and smell the flowers;
sniff the air; stroll a little and be myself.


The familiar smell of death is still lurking around me.
But still i can feel God is trying to pass me a message through this.
I wouldn't say it's a bad experience, but a learning lesson.
I can't find the real objective of this experience that will sum up what i've been through today,
but i know, i've learnt something.


Slack a little with stella & co.
I couldn't be more than happy to mingle myself with them.
Life should be wonderful everyday;
and it will be for me.

I am counting my blessings now.
I am happy for what i have now.
And i wouldn't ask for anything more.
except that, i hope the angels of death won't come knocking on my loved ones' door and my door.


Had a rough day today, and i think i should have a nice good sleep.
(:
QingHui, jiayou!

Labels: Angels of mercy, how do you find me?

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Had a long nice catching up session with Stella, Sikai, Deerick & ZhengMing just now.
Damn, i miss those times luh!
Hahaha.

It was really nice to see you guys there!
Snow & Shona; they are really really cute!
Okay, I'll bring my Taozi down on the next tuesday!
And I can't wait to see you guys again.
hehe.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.. (:


I have lots of pictures to post! :D
Including Snow, Shona & Taozi!
Arghhhh..
But i am super lazy to post it up!


ok! i'm going to sleep.
nights people!

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Work is fun;
keep laughing all the way with Ben and Ash.
And Ben is super smart okay!
He taught us what to put in our PP to make it attractive.
Damn, he's in Shatec and he knows all the SWOT stuffs.
Somehow i feel super dumb.
Ash was super impressed by how Ben's family works.
I am too.
He survived under the toughest critic of all.
Seriously.
I'm impressed.


I had vaccination of Influenza.
I'm so afraid of needle can!
My goodness, and it's still hurt even until now.
While walking to the Club house at Changi Airport for the injection;
my face really went pale lah.
Francis called me like several times and i didnt notice him.
LOL.
This is how bad needle can do to me.
I actually told the doctor something like this,
"I am really going to cry, i am so afraid of the needle! Can i not take the stupid injection? Do you have something oral instead?"
He was very gentle and patient, so he said "ok, you just look over to the other side and spell your company name for me okay"
and i went *trembling* "ok, h....a.....r....i..... (The needle went inside)........(voice becomes so shaky)l.......(And he pushed the liquid inside, i swear it hurts!) e.l.a.........ouchhhhh"
LOL.
work is good, reality escape.
I became another girl at the frontdesk that serve people with a smile.
A smile that i couldn't even smile for myself anymore.
I smile because of my passengers.
I smile because they need my smile to feel welcome.
And i feel happy.

The mask, the facade fits me nicely now.
Am i becoming another person again?

Have you ever heard the ringing silence of solitude? It locks one up inside
oneself, engulfing one with the sad certainty that one can never be more
miserable or pathetic than one already is. And within this cyst of self
constructed enclosure, one feels secure. Secure in sorrow that is unchanging and
unyielding.

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Ok. Today we had the lousiest presentation ever.
OOPS. really really!
But it wasn't so bad afterall.
I think everyone was into laughing at our own pictures rather than thinking about our problem statement. LOL.
And yes, I keep laughing. =.="

Some pictures to share! :D

Labels: it's better., without you

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A side note to add on;

Sometimes people aren't going to trust you;
And it may be for no reason at all.
Sometimes, people just judge you on what they think you will do;
on who they think you are.
And there's really nothing you can do about it.
But just remember one thing..
They're not cheating you, they're cheating themselves!

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I love how jogging makes my mind clear.














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In latin lisp are called labia oris.

Lips are a visible body part at the mouth of humans and many animals.
Lips are soft, movable, and serve as the opening for food intake, as an erogenous organ used in kissing and other acts of intimacy, as a tactile sensory organ, and in the articulation of speech.

Oh man, i love lips, Lips, LIps, LIPs, LIPS!
I swear that they are the turn-on part on a body for me!
Seems super sexy for me lah.
No no, I'm not horny.
I'm just, in LURVEEE with LIPS.
They are just very sensual to me.
Erm, they just evoke my emotions lah! hahahahaa.

Eh, dont be stupid hor.
Only those super nice lips can me feel this way lah.
like duh!!!
I have bad bad habits, real bad.
You'll be shocked if you learnt the truth about me.

I love to see how people smoke.
It's either I find you gross or in another sense, say, intriguingly sexy?
HAHAAHAHA.
fuck, i'm psycho luh.


Justin timberlake has sexy lips!
It's full-filled, not fulfilled. LOL.
Even though it's thin but overall, kissable! :p




PICTURES TIME DARLING~
pictures speak more than a thousand words!

Candy candy on the wall, tell me whose pair of lips is the prettiest of all? ~

See! feel like kissing him? AHAAH

Ok, end of conversation!

This is one of my fetish lah! Fetish sounds wrong. hmmmmmm~ :p

Labels: lips;lips~

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Dad just went into hospital.
I'm worried sick.
Really I am.

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Ok, enough said of those craps below.

I'm so gonna live my life.
Ok, i just came to realise that, i need to do so much better.
I'm not going to submit to fate just like that.
or should i say, people?

So, i'm going working now.
I'll be enjoying my subway at work.
I'm gonna crap with Iris and Farisha.
And prove to those that hate me for being a supervisor that i can handle this alone.
Wait till you see, i'm going to be so much better than you.

Ok, pass me some strength.
I need to get this going (:


I'm playing along (:
and proving it to them.
You will be so wrong about the things you've judged me.
(:
i'll prove you wrong.


And i can feel that He is around for me.
really.
like now.
He told me i shouldnt care and be god-like to others.
He said i should stand strong and be myself.
He said He love me.
And i know He mean it (:




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"A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding.. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling.. And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except you.."

Do me a favour people,
stop putting hatred in my tiny heart.


See, my comfort zone changes.
I thought work is always comforting,
but ever since i became the supervisor,
so many other supervisors are unhappy with me.
Why? You may want to ask.
But I don't know.
Perhaps i'm young?
Ignorant?
Playful?

Tell me man, tell me and i'll change.
Whatsup with the whispering acts behind my back?


This is unbearable.
My heart can't contain any of this anymore.
I'll be quiet from now on.
Quiet and do my own stuffs.
I'll change.
I'll change, i promise.

I want to believe in faith, in fate and in love.
I want to trust myself that i'm a girl that can make a difference.
I tried so hard.
I failed again.


I shouldnt try anymore (:
Don't tell me what Love is like,
whatever kind of loves it is, I just don't want to know.
Don't give me the wrong perception of love.
Love hurts like mad, really.
For once, don't lie to me.
Because i've experienced it.

Lord,
if you ever came across my blog,
please remember that i am lost somewhere in the way.
Pick me up, drive me home.
Give me a helping hand.
Amen.


I wish I was a kid again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

Labels: bomb?

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Long post. Buy some starbuck drinks before you read.
oh, and it's a angry post. (:


Comfort Zone.
Comforting?
Not exactly if you'd think about it properly.

What happens if your comfort zone gets more and more suffocating?
And eventually your comfort zone becomes a thin line for you to stand,
no place to even sit back and relax.
Everything seems to be a blur;
same people; same places;
yet different situations.
What will YOU do?
Stay? or Run?

Will you still stay in your comfort zone and do the uncomfortable things that used to be comfortable?
I don't know.
For me, I will leave for good.



My comfort zone changes constantly.
I'm so used to constant changing, so used to it that,
i think i need someone to grab me tight and hold me down.
Constant changing is tearing me apart.
Part of me got lost in changes.
I guess I can't stop changing; because i can't find myself yet.
I'm all over the places, i can't piece myself up.
So many pieces of me here and there, so many memories got left behind.
Heartache, when i think about it.
I want to break away.
really.

The best part is, when i lost myself,
i never found myself back.
Never.


So, i chose to run.
Run for cover and build another comfort zone.
I meet people, i open up.
They tore it down again.

Built, opened, destroyed.
same process.
this is the only constant in my life, "build-open-destroyed".
Pathetic as it seems; nothing seems to change.
Can't explained in another sense.
And i'm used to it.



Friends?
They are pressurizing to me.
Not to all though, i am lucky, i have a few good ones.


I need freedom, I am bad at guessing.
You guys have to tell me what you all want.
Don't ask me to do things that i don't want to do.
Don't force me, and i'm not talking about work-wise (school and workplace), i'm talking about friendship-wise.

Another issue
I can't read mind; i don't like to analyse people.
Because this would make you all seems like an animal.
Space people! I need space.
YOU NEED SPACE.
I need air.
YOU NEED AIR.
I am a thinker.
YOU ARE A THINKER TOO.
We're all adults, let's admit that we are all special and unique.
We are different in character, styles, fashion, thinking, culture and upbringing.
We all work in different ways.
You can't force me to do the things i don't like.


When it comes to thinking, i can't stop at nothing.
This is in my blood, i freaking think.
Sigh.


Nobody understands.
I need freedom, i need space.
I need people who cares about me and not get angry at trivial matters with me.
I need you guys to understand i am tired of expressing who i am.
I want to be accepted for who i am.
I know i come and go whenever i like, but you all have been on my mind.
Not that you guys are trash, but this is me.
I cant stick around for long;
because i need excitement.
I run around, I don't stick.
To the contrary, if you're someone important to me, i will get clingy.
I DONT KNOW, THIS IS ME.
ME.


I don't care anymore.
I dont want to feel for other people anymore.
I'm gonna do what Ashley said last time.
"YOU, and only YOU, YOURSELF MATTERS TO YOURSELF THE MOST"
Don't ask me what should i do,
because i jolly well knows what i need to do for myself.
Dont tell me that i should fuck this and that, i dont want to listen.


I'm fed up with friendship shits.
Shit happens, and it happens to me always.
I'm stopping; no more of all those stuffs.
I'm gonna stop thinking.
no more bffs, friends, buddy, brother, sister, darling, dear, partner, lesbian partner , besties, fake-bfs, and whatever shit that it was used to be.



I'm lost again.
Fuck comfort zone.
Fuck friends.
Fuck everyone that tears me apart.
fuck you, fuck you guys upside down.
Fuck you all.



I shall let my guard down, and see who catches me by then.
I hope it's you.
Yet i shall not put high hopes on you anymore.
Because i know, it wont be anyone.
Done, period.


I dont believe in Love anymore, all sorts of love.
Lying asses, i hope your pants are on fire!
aigoooo!

Taken from a blog i always read.

"Pressure builds. With no outlet. Leads to more pressure building, which leads to anxiety.

We seek relief and scan for whats around us.

We shower our affections on those that we would usually not bother, or to those who don't appreciate it.

We get hurt by their nonchalance, or because we deep down, we know they don't really deserve our affections in the first place or don't really appreciate it at all.


What happens. When you have too much love to give? And no place to put it?"

So true. (cited from : http://tiradeagainsthumanity.blogspot.com/)


Out with aloy, watched star trek!
and it's nice.
It's been such a long time since i catch up with him.
But it's nice going out with him again! (:

Labels: let's run again

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My ligament still hurts since last Saturday.
Sigh, don't know why.
It gets so hard to jump and walk now.
I'm really getting older..
oh my.



I guess time is what i needed.
I stumbled, and i'm back on the path again.
Let me be cranky for a while.
I am fine, i promise.
My face is stucked up when i dont talk.
So no, i'm not angry nor whatever shit.
I'm just tired and breathless.
I need to catch my breath before i can continue.











if you're wondering;
i still miss you much;
even if you're just right beside me.
Maybe the feeling's gone for you;
but for me?
It's still lingering.

if you think it's you, it might not be you.
but it might be you.
however; don't think too much.
redundant information. LOL




Be my sweet and sugar.
But i know, you won't (:
sigh.
i know.
i just want to bang the wall again? =/

Labels: huh

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I'm PARANOID!
yes i am.


SAVE ME, PEOPLE!
THE EARTH ENDING @ 2012?
are you guys sure?!
I know this is a very old piece of news,
BUT the more i think about it.
THE MORE I AM GETTING SCARED!


DAMN!
I'm gonna start telling people what i love about them.
SERIOUSLY.


YAH, before i die and they didnt know i love them!
DAMN DAMN.
I need to tell them.
Heehee


Haters?
They don't deserve my time.
Just do whatever you like.
Ha, you're none of my concern =/
oops.



Talk that sexy talk to me, sexy.
WOOOO.


I am okay :D
okay.
okay.

Labels: roll with me~

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I am really trying very hard;
despite the pain heartbreak.

Give me some quality time to revert back to my old self (:

Labels: radar

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HAHA.
This post will greatly interest those who cares for me :D
Oh well, if you don't, just don't read.

You guys might be thinking "why huihui never join us for lunch & dinner & outings already?"
or "huihui so emo these few days loh"
or "what happened to huihui? something is wrong with her"
or you might get into a group and analyse me.
HAHAHA, don't say i'm thick-skinned; Michelle Neo did and still doing that! LOL.
i know i know :P
and huihui is the name they called me (my clique);
including cousins.
I don't usually allowed people to do that. (:

Let me just tell you all.
This is a very bad habit of mine.
I think Michelle Neo will hate me when i say this :P
She probably doesnt know.


When i met with difficulties;
being the normal me don't really open up to close friends.
Yet, if you all got problems can talk to me ok! :D

I hit on friends that ain't close with me; or friends that probably see things much better than me (which means smarter than me luh!); OR friends that is going to be close with me yet doesn't know anything about me.
Not that you guys ain't smart for me nor good enough.
Just that i want to get raw opinions.
Come to think of it; you guys are the best!
When i want to meet, you all will meet me.
When i want to eat, you all will eat with me.
I mean where do i find such treasures?

But still, being the fucking self-denial me,
I don't want to bother you all.
I just want to try solving my problems.
I want to get everything through my own hands, own efforts.
I want to do something without connections.
I just want to prove that i'm capable instead of "woah, she has a rich bf or rich friends that can get her anywhere she wants"
I know the importance of connections.
Yet i want none of these.

So when you see i'm in dilema,
relaxed; dont panick!
Neither am i a problem statement (like what singyen said)

YES, I WILL run away from everyone;
but at the end of the day, i'm a lost kid.
I will still go back to mama; her best friends and her sweets.
Bear with my strange temper.
I will be fine.
Just that i tend to push myself too much (:
Will be fine.


Today, the dream that i've always ALWAYS wanted to achieve is destroyed.
THE THING I WANTED IT ALOT.
I burnt them away from my own hands.
My own decision.
I cant explained the feeling.
There's a few times in the class i wanted to break down and cry so badly.
All i want to do is to run out from the classroom, start hitting on walls, or do something that can take away the hurt from my heart.
and that fucking bitchy me starts pissing people off. (ashley, that's our forte. LOL)
If i said something horrible or do something horrible to you.
I am sorry.
Very sorry.
I don't mean to say these.
If you feel that i need to make it up for you; i will do it.
(:


So, peeps, matter resolved?
Now i've turned one big round.
I am back on the same ground.
I am happy with what i choose.
and i will be so much better than him! (:
I will be :D
and i'm still a lost kid on the block!
But i think you guys will be there right?!

I Love You All :D



Mum, when you tells me about your bf;
part of me really feels dead inside.
I know you're huting real bad inside.
sorry mum, i'm not capable of listening to your secrets.
I feel much more worst than you.
i know dad is demanding, but that's not the way.
not the way for me too.
I am tired of collecting your problem..
just let me be alone for once.
maybe thats the way why i know promises are meant to be broken.
In the end, i am still on my own;
I'm still a broken doll.

When choices come limited,
When the path you walk is getting darker and leads you to nowhere;
all you left will be yourself.
Friends?
It depends (:

and no, i'm not trying bragged about how bad my life is. just that this moment of life appears to be the dullest and unhappiest moment ever.

I couldnt imagine any thing worst than this, like destroying my own dreams and hardwork.

but i knew, all the heart-breaking choices i made is right. (: just stay and dont go before i lose everything again. ok?

Labels: will it turns out to be regrets?

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Oh ya.
I cannot fathom this.
There's like a few people pissing me off.

I know i sound wrong in my MSN nick.
But that was the whole point right!!!
"Hugh Jackman is my husband, Daniel Henney is sexay! Can we do threesome?"
Whatsup with you people ?

The common spamming for girls.
"HUGH JACKMAN!! dont be so greedy!"
The fucking spam from guys.
"Are you so horny?"

That's the difference between the two sexes.
We girls, look at the main picture;
Hugh Jackman & Daniel Henney.
HUGH JACKMAN & DANIEL HENNEY.
DANIEL HENNEY & HUGH JACKMAN.
woah, hot guys.
That's the point! You-go-girls!
they are sizzling hot i know! :p

Yet, for guys?
THREESOME
THREESOME
THREESOME.
think straight will ya?
Seriously, is your brain size as small as your nuts?
Or do your brain grow underneath there?
=.=
Seriously, i will really fall in love with a hot guy.
But, damn. i need the brain as well.
Where to find intelligent guys?!


AND HELLO?!
I don't have any boyfie for 3 years (going 4 alrdy);
by going gaga over the hot and sexay guys do not make me a despo.
Let me repeat, by going crazy over hugh jackman/gong yoo/daniel henney/dennis oh do not make me a desperate.
If i am one, i will have LOTS of BOYFIE when i was working & studying.
By falling in love doesnt make me a desperate too.
And pls, i can count with my fingers how many guys have i had a crush on or i liked before in this 3 fucking years.
1 - liked (buddy)
1- crush (yr1sem1's classmate)
SERIOUS SHIT?!
this is how pathetic i am.


oh ya. Mr A isn't anything at all.
HE IS MY "BROTHER" FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
only ashley know what status i am in now.
and the stupid love at first sight thingy which is happening now. (something that i dont believed at all)
no it's not Mr A at all!

Sigh, I am still in denial.
shutup now.
Let's move on!


GONG YOO

DENNIS OH

HUGH JACKMAN

DANIEL HENNEY



and honey, out of 4, three of them are Koreans.
and this is how much i adored Asian hunks! wooo~



ICE AGE 3!
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE!
TRANSFORMER!

omg omg omg!
they are coming.
AND WHY AIN'T MY JASON BOURNE COMING?
THEY JUST HAD A NEW SEQUENCE BOOK ON THAT!
I miss my Matt Damon :(


They should make the movies come faster.
My brain need time off! :(

i wanted to watch Friday the 13th,
BUT. i am scared loh! :(
Got Jared Padalecki!

hahaha.
like what Benjamin said,
"you must see what movie is she watching? she only go there and see actors only."
LOL.
oops! you've got me !

Labels: woooo

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Mr.A is going US in another 3 days time.
He's gonna get out of my life again~
sigh.
lalalala~ (:

I have very very very big decision to make; not regarding abt him thou.
I am confused, help someone?


Wolverine is damn nice!
I swear on my life that it is super nice.
I was squealing all the way.
Ashley was whispering something like "Qinghui, are you that desperate?"
hahahahah!
Ash, I can hang a big signboard on my neck and say,
"LOOK! I'M DESPERATE! but condition applies to Hugh Jackman only*"
HAHAHAAHAHH~
I am desperate for Hugh Jackman, not any other single stupid guy! :p


I need shopping!

Wishlist.
1. MANU JERSEY! (CHEER FOR THE RED DEVILS!)
2. SNEAKERS!
3. CAP!
4. WALLET! (Braun Buffel!)
5. Some kuku bag luh..
6. Maybe bermudas
7. Maybe some nice T-shirts lah!

no.. i am not wearing those guys guys type one. =.=



OH MAN, SHOPPING ANYONE?!
Have to see where my budget takes me to!
SIGH.

Whatever it is. let's get lost tonight!

Labels: dior

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I am going to blog this.
Before i forget everything.

Me = Purple
Mr A = Pink

At work, and my phone vibrated around 4pm, just when i was about to go.
"hellooo~"
"wth it's you ah!"
"eh, what wth! i'm waiting for you at parking lot T1, come and meet me now ok?"
"huh, i'm working in T3 leh and why are you here?"
*silence*
"okok, i go over, 15 mins!"
"ok! hahahaa, stupid girl!"
"GRRR!"
Put down.

and then i met him at the Cheers there.
i walked over there and i found him.
"WAHHH, someone becoming more handsome lah! how's ya making-girls-going-gaga-over-you job?"
"eh, i don't rmb you! you look dead yet prettier! what stupid job?! no lah! silly girl."
*glare at him* =.=
"hows you and pat? oh that one was way over. i mean hows you and france?
"i think i need to bring you over my house and feed you and stuff food inside your mouth so that you can stop asking me questions."
"WAH. NO THANKS LOH!"
"you need that darling"

we walked and he keep looking at me,
i swear it was like so uneasy,
and then he's like the usual self again,
grab my head and keep shaking! =.=
stupid.

"i've got a surprise to let you see!"
"why now? i thought you've forgotten me alrdy!"
"lady, look! i never forgot abt you, just that france dont like me to talk to you!"
"HELLO WHY?! i thought she always locked my arms and asked me to go out with her?! ok, that was long time ago stuffs. HAHAAH"
"are you always that cute asking cute questions?"
"was that an insult or compliement?"
"it works in the both way!"
"SHIT YOU"
walk over to his car
STOPPED. and his fucking car!

"hey baby, this is my BMW toy car!"
"ohhhh,fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou!!!"
"no thanks no thanks no thanks honey!"
"OH MY GOODNESS! WHAT IS THIS! YOU HAVE A NEW CAR!"
"yes darling! OBVIOUSLY! want a ride?"
"Hell yes! i want to ride the car but not you!"
"I think i miss you like mad, the old times, gosh, and why are you taking rides so easily from handsome guy? later you kena rape ah!"
"ok, continue driving, and fuck, i love your toy car"
"yea i know, everyone says so!"
"SHUDDUP!"

after 3 mins.
i was touching with the buttons and everything.
"small little girl forever, stop touching my new baby, she feels violated lah"
"anyway"
"you look slimer now."
"what happened?"
"my heart ached just by looking at your blog"
"drive your baby and dont stop"
"i wont answer any of your questions"
"look, i'm sorry, i'm going overseas here and then, but if you need help, tell me"
"i'll be here with you, A"
"thanks Q"
"i'm here too Q"

keep on touching his car all the way to my house downstairs*
"dont wear makeup la, it's not a grand dinner"
"hmmmm, okok and who says i'm gonna wear make up? :p"


Phone rings!
"oi, auntie, 7pm liao, i am waiting under your block!"
"i dont know what to wear lah!"
"anyhow wear lah! you're going my house for dinner, my mum already cooked yours already"
"HUH! YOUR MUM! YOUR FAMILY?! OK, I NOT GOING, BYE!"
"auntie, my mum said she miss you, come lah, i thought you very talkative?"
"er, OK AH! you owe me a treat to POSH RESTAURANT!"
"HANA AUNTIE! YOU WANT TO WEAR NAKED ALSO CAN! FASTER!"
"piang eh, so kan chiong, dont ask me out lah"
"waiting!"


reached down stairs.
"hello! eh you still have 6 packs ah!"
*poke*
"er, never really train liao, been studying so much that i've forgotten myself"
"YEA RIGHT!"
"ya, hahaha. i know you don't believe, nvm then!"
"eh, i think my ligament tear becoming serious"
"really ah, seen a doc?"
"no, lazy"
"you ah...!"
GRINS.

after 25 mins, we've reached his house.
"come, i carry you! it's at my aunt's house!"
"WTF, are you crazy?!"
"no i'm not!"
i ran and he caught up with me, like the old times, he piggy-backed me.
"what have you ate ah?"
"OKOK, PUT ME DOWN!"
"JUST JOKING AH! RELAX! YOUR TURN CARRY ME!"

and i carried him, he's like 185 tall.
of course, we both fall and then he continue carying me
"eh, why are you bringing me home for dinner?"
"my ah ma birthday lah"
"why you never tell me! i never bring anything for her lehs!"
"because you are always that mafan! that's why i dont tell you!"
"why do you have to keep lying to me?!"
and he ran with me on my back.


and i go inside his aunt's place on his back, everyone keep looking at me.
indeed, everyone was waiting for me.
france was there too.
"hey Qinghui, long time no see!"
"hey france, how are you?!"
"never been better. hahaha"
"oh i see, i think i better talk less to a person who restrict my friend to stop talking to me" (:
I am bad, but she wasn't invited.
Who cares right?!

It was a great dinner.
really great dinner.
He will be going US for his studies soon.
like really really soon.

"Ms Q, you're a great girl and i dont wanna lose you, find someone who treasures you ok!"
"haahah, just stop being so random, and i think he will love you for your random-ness"
"you are always full of surprising moves, and the way you talked, make you seems like you fall in love with every single guy you see"
"thanks A, this is me, i cant change and i believe i will never find someone like this"
"and i am always like this, i am straight-forward, rmb when you first meet me? i keep telling you that you're cute and handsome. it's the fact. and when i said i miss you, i really miss you! if they cant take it, then forget it loh."
"okok, you're special in a way"
"AND it takes time to love, silly girl."
"you've always been my brother to me, like really really close brother."
"you're my sister too!"
"ok, i love you brother!"
"seee! the declaring love to everyone style! hahaha, anyway i love you too!"
"let me send you home!"
"let's go!"



the normal chat,
the normal days,
i knew it will never been the same.
instead, it will be so much more beautiful.
(:
the silent we understand.
and no, i don't blame you for forgetting me.
like you said, you never did.



As a sister,
i know i've been a small little kid to you ever since we've met.
let's stay this way ok!
and, i miss you.
seriously ! (:

and you will have a nice girl eventually.
I know you will have it.
Just stay focus on the heart, not the look lah!
hahaha.
as for me,
i've already said, i'm not looking for a relationship now.
But let's say if he comes, i will think first.
And after that, if he's good.
I will accept him.

LOL. love is like menses right, when it comes it comes! HAHAAHAHAH.
STUPID YOU!

anyway.
you're way hotter than Hugh Jackman.
LOL.
and i'm glad i didnt watch X-men and missed out a great evening with you! :p


in case you all are wondering.
Mr A is someone i dont talk to anyone about.
He is very special.
Mr A is a well-kept secret. (:
Mr A isn't Ashley.
Ashley is Mr C. (chan)
Mr A is someone so hot that if i post his photos, girls will kill me.
and i dont even bother to take any pictures with him.
HAHAHAH!
he is 3 yrs older than me.
Currently studying in USA.
But he's a big flirt, yet he doesn't flirt with me. (WHY?!) HHAHAHAHA.
Mr A ah! I MISS YOU. MEET UP SOON!




and to ashley,
you're my BFF like forever and always.
you can't have stupid thoughts ok!
i love you and i really love you as a BFF
even thou you might get on my nerve sometimes!
heehee!

Labels: forever and always, till my memories fade

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