xiii: you said move on (where do i go)

title:
date: Saturday, May 23, 2009
time:12:57 AM

Okay, if you think this post is for you.
It's for you then.

I am fed up. Very fed up.
I can't understand why a person with a lot of privileges in life can feel such sadness surrounding them.
You guys don't have to work and study at the same time, I NEED TO.
You don't have to go through the stupid "hey-i-have-only-4-hours-of-sleep-due-to-work" symptom. I HAVE!
You dont have to go through "i-wanna-go-out-but-i-have-work-in-the-morning" symptom. I DO.
You don't have to think thoroughly when you want to buy something because you are scared that the rest of your month you have nothing to eat. I HAVE TO.
SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM MAN?!
I don't even have the freaking time to even think about how to woo a guy (maybe a little? to amuse myself).
Financial is such a terrible thing, really.
When your hands are tight, there's nothing we can do except to pray for the days to pass by faster. Do you know the feeling of this?
Or do you know the feeling like "ok-if-i-buy-this-i-cannot-buy-another-things-already". I think it's been ages since i ever update my wardrobe, to be really honest.

HOWEVER, I AM STILL PROUD OF MY FAMILY.
I don't blame them for not giving me the comfortable lifestyle that everyone has; but in turn I appreciate their efforts for giving me their best.
Work is a different different situation, and during the years, I've learnt much about people. (still, i am very naive when it comes to friends)
I've learnt to be more independent.
Maybe like what you've said, I've been through much more than most of the people.
But the truth is, we are all learning to be a better person.
Me too.
So why, why subject yourself ONLY to love?
Love comes in a lot of forms.
Religion, FAMILY, friends?
Take a step back, relax.
Look around, if the bloody guy/girl don't fucking appreciate you.
Then tell them "burn in hell asshole!"
FACE IT AND WALK AWAY.
Feel the pain, let it engulf you and THEN LET IT GO.
One more thing, you're not obligated to a person, so neither is the person obligated to you. GET IT?
If someone "fly kite", there's nothing you can actually do about it.
Just accept it and then do the normal stuffs!!
I know, it's hard especially when it's your loved one.
But small matters, so why blow it up?
They have their own programme going on, you have yours too!
(:

I think almost everyone is self-centered.
That's a bloody fact that no one can change.
Unless you tell me that you're the holiest man in the world. (Which happened to be the only one in the whole wide world, and he's the pope currently in Vatican City now, and i THINK his name is Benedict XVI.) Then I'll believe you that you're not self-centered.

Come on man, everyone has the tendency to compare.
WHY? ok, i admit that i compare myself with others.
But the problem is, when I do comparison, i don't use the people to pull my spirit down and let them damper my mood or whatsoever that causes me to be sad.
Instead, I used them as a gauge to see where i'm standing in terms of what i am trying to compare.
So that i know how much more should i do in order to reach their standard.

You know, each and everyone has our own problems.
So stop, stop thinking that the world revolve within you and only you.
Nobody is going to stick with you for the rest of your life.
Face the fact, no one will be sticking with you through-out.
At a certain point of time, YES, there'll be friends that will hold you up,
clean your ass a lil, and a lil encouraging pat on your ass to keep you going.
But you think they will do this everytime you fall?
WAIT LONG LONG.

So, please do understand.
You can still talk to me, but i won't promise that i will be here with you all throughout the whole process.
I have my own life, my own job, my own problems. Basically, i have a life.
Work and school = my life now.
Not saying i don't have the source of entertainment, but, i just can't go out too often and slack around.
I need to do my PP, my readings and also to improve my command of English.
I hope that you, as a best friend/friend can understand my situation and stop rubbing salt into the wound.
I will deeply appreciate that.

You once tell me that i can't force the guy i like to like me back.
Now, i'm returning you this sentence to you.
Let him/her go, and free yourself.
The burden will drop.
Please, do not hurt yourself anymore.

Also, after typing out this post, i realised what i want.
But i need to sleep soon.
Talk more about it when i get back from work tomorrow! :D
Nights & sweet dreams

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