xiii: you said move on (where do i go)

title: people
date: Thursday, April 30, 2009
time:11:06 PM

Miscommunication always happen,
but not for today.

and i am serious about what i said. :D

sigh.
Tml's gonna be a very busy day.
Training-supervisor!
Knock off work at 4pm!
and hunting people to watch WOLVERINE with me! :(

Ash: I hope you're alright with your significant partner. i miss bitching with you :(
Mic.N: WOLVERINE!
Mic.K: hey sister, dont be sad, we will go eat nice food once you can eat again ok! (:
Qi: I miss talking crap with you! brother, i really really miss you :(
Beng: You've GONE DEAD! WHY?!
Ash.T: OI!
Phoebe: Don't be too sad and whinning non-stop because of your laptop ok! :D
bud: Thanks for everything (:
oh, and yangyi: I'll be there, like seriously. no joke ok! (:

i'll pray for you, you know i will!

My prayers are always coming true ok! :p

i need to start moving on;

and be that happy person i used to be again!

Tough time don't last, tough man do!

i'm a TOUGH MAN! :p

oh peeps, pray for me that i wont contract any swine flu.

because i'm working in the airport luh! :(

Labels: you light up my life.

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title: why
date:
time:6:25 PM

you tell me that you love me;
you hold my hand when you dont mean it.
you hug me when you need it.
you tell me all those stuffs.
yet they are all delusions.
after all these, you tell me we are not fated.

I'm lucky that i didnt fall deep into it;
i managed to climb up.
all these times, i'm the one that falls.
not you right.

oh well, period.
i'm okay with all your lies, dreams, wanna-be-together thingy.
NOW,
I'm walking back on my own path.
no more togethers, no more dreams, no more lies.
I am me, You are you.

but still, i can't deny the fact that...
i miss you as a best friend.
i miss you as someone whom i can be crazy with.
i miss you being my right-hand.
i miss you being my monster rahrah.
i miss you being someone whom i can text to.
someone whom listens to my cries/sobbings at night.
someone whom calms me down when everything is going so wrong.
someone whom share your joy with me (and vice versa).
someone that is very IMPORTANT to me.

& why all these happens?
i won't believe in any single thing anymore.
i can't stand it.

"Dear God,
You know my troubles,
You know me well.
Recently, there's someone that i prayed for.
I just want You to tell him some stuffs.
i will fill you in tonight.
Please pass it on.
Amen

i will pray again tonight; every night.

chris woo is actually quite cute! :D

Labels: so tired

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title: oh my
date: Wednesday, April 29, 2009
time:9:42 PM

BUDDY!
sorry, i didnt make it today :(

kisses for you okay!
you know i dont mean it (:

and sigh.
today is a bad day.
I'm having bad headache!
comp crash on me for 2 times already.

unknowingly, i think i miss you lor.
JIALAT

Labels: my poor eyess..

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title: home
date: Tuesday, April 28, 2009
time:7:12 PM

I'M COMING HOME AGAIN.
DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME AND THEN?
I'M COMING HOME AGAIN.

going to walk my cute dog.
peeps!
and i know you're definitely not a home to me anymore.
(:

Labels: lowww-yi-yoyo~

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title: yea
date: Monday, April 27, 2009
time:10:57 PM

Giant Dreams, Midget Abilities.

skipped school today.
Just because i can't find myself back.

i'm feeling very giddy.
i should get back to my sleep (:
nights people.

give it up, give it up.
that's the only way.

Labels: hell yes.

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title: esplande
date:
time:12:17 AM

I left you a message at Esplande library.
I'd hope you get it.

hmmm. i left it all there. (:

Labels: you

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title: stuffs
date: Friday, April 24, 2009
time:11:34 PM

Joke of the day!

Alright, it's been such a long time since I last blogged about what I’m doing.
Boohoo, ok, it's 2 to 4 days only! I know.
But I have so much to say in these few days.
Even when I was doing business in my toilet, I had lots to say!
But now, I have forgotten what I want to say totally. Sigh.

Don’t ask me why I need my emo corner back.
But I seriously need to plan ahead for what is coming up for me.
I feel a little uneasy when I am with people that I don’t really know.
Ever since my ex-bf, I am not able to break through my social network, and it’s very hard for me to find someone that i can trust and confide to. I know it’s bad, but I can’t seem to accept everyone at one go.
I have very few friends that I really count as friends, not because I am very hard to get along with (eh, maybe leis) but I just can’t accept people (friends) who come into my life and breaks my heart continually.

It’s very hard on me, I am there trying to pick up the damage, others took it away and throw it beyond my reach.
And I have a very good case example. OK, I don’t wanna say who lah.
This is why I always take a very very very very deep breath when I stepped in the class. Sounds stupid? Hahaha. Yea, I know. LOL.

Okay, I am trying my very best to converse to my new classmates and no, I am not expecting my them to get use to my craziness so fast.
Maybe, I am a little strange, trust me, more is coming your way.
I am a person that is very quirky
-low self-esteem
-honest critic if you want me to be, bitchy like mad
-can go gaga over handsome and sexy man (but I’m not desperate, they are a piece of art, and I enjoy them as well as woman. LOL)
-I don’t trust very handsome boy and pretty girl (not all thou, I feel that they have a tendency to lie and break your heart)
-straight
-sociable
-talk too much when I’m nervous
-emotionally attached to a person very fast
-very dependent
-stress easily
-honestly I have super horrible fetish
-playful, don’t comply to rules
-feels that I REALLY need to slim down like NOW NOW NOW!
-workaholic
-and lastly, I am really crazy!

some random thing.
“I don’t believe love at first side, but the more I look at you,
The more I am attracted to you.”

back back back, to the topic!
Oh ya, people often get a wrong perception about me, I am that kind of girls who don’t wait.
When I miss you, I mean it, and I really miss you which means that I will sms you and tell you I miss you (:
That also depends on whether do I like you or not. But for the most case, I don’t like the person except as a friend xD
Sometimes when I pray, certain faces come to me and I will tend to pray for them too.
So, when I tell you “I miss you” I don’t mean anything except for “I miss you”. Thus, no further connotation please.

Buddy, this is for you.
I don’t know why but I always thought that you’re the best person I could pour my heart out to you.
I know I still can, but the problem is, when I need you, you are always busy or I don’t know maybe M.I.A? Where were you?
I am not exactly a fan of messaging you.
Really, when I’m out with you and I see how you messaged others and the way you messaged me, it’s totally different.
You replied them less than 5 minutes.

I am fucking jealous, really am.
What about me, i need help, i need you!?

Just like today, I just need 10 mins of your time today, yet you can give me none.
I came upon something so interesting that I wanted to tell you, but after waiting for your call, or in event of calling you in the afternoon, your response is something like this “hey, I need to do something, call you back in ?? mins” and you never call back, NEVER.
If you don’t call, sms me and tell me.
I’m so tired of waiting blindly.
Waiting is a torturing process for me.
I hate waiting, and the worst part is, you are always the person I’m waiting for and you don’t seems give a damn about me.

You can choose to ignore this message, because i just need to get this out from my heart.

Things will never be the same if the pain is still there haunting your heart.

Anyway, I need to create awareness, this is what words can harm one person. Believe it, the impact is fucking serious.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/index.html

Labels: beautiful plastic

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title: crazy.
date: Tuesday, April 21, 2009
time:11:12 PM

Life seems to be in a blur.

I am so lost now.

I need my emo corner back, and damn hell,

I miss you like mad.

Do you even know that?

I can barely even breathe.

I should take thing one step at one time.
I am so messed up and screwed up.
I am troubled.

I am so obsessed with me, my thoughts, myself and everything about me.

(credit to : postsecret)

Michelle.N knows me inside out.

I am glad, am really glad.

I love you and i hope you know that i love you (:

as a sister thou xD

It's just that these few days haven't been the best day of my life.

and lately i can't breathe because of problems.

yet i am in no position to throw away my responsibilities now.

I hope that you guys will give me some time,

i will tell you what i am going through.

Trust me, even though i am not okay now.

I will be okay in a few days time or weeks or more more weeks.

I am strong enough for this (:

I need time to open my mouth.

when i didn't say anything doesn't mean that i forget you guys or i found someone new.

I don't know how to tell you my difficulties.

I am loss in words.

Even action.

Class is so energy-sapping.

I am so worn-out even before school ends.

And i look so fake in class;

because i am trying my best to pretend everything is okay when i know it's not !

I am beginning to feel the negative vibe around me asking me not to go school.

damn..

I can even message the wrong person.

I cant even differentiate the letter S and Y.

How lost can i be now?

Bare with me for a lil while ok?

God, guide me through this phase of my life.

I need help.

Amen

Labels: why again?

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title: nobody wants to be the last one there
date: Monday, April 13, 2009
time:5:27 PM

Some real stuffs.
I've been very bitchy and childish these few days.

You can choose to listen,
you can choose to rant over it,
you can choose to think about all the bad things about me,
but, i am still being me.

My mood is crazy now; really crazy.
All over the places.
I was given a choice to be supervisor at first.
I rejected.
The reason why i rejected was mainly because of responsibility.
I hate responsibility.
I hate being serious at all times.
I hate to change this part of me.
I'm so afraid that when i take up this job, I won't be the me anymore.
I will be possessive, over-bearing, controlling, (fuck!) and being one hell of a bitch to others.
But i still accepted it.

The money tempted me to do so.
Because my family is not well-off.
that's the reason why.
That's the damn reason why i took up the title.
and i feel cheap, way fucking cheap.
How can i sell my life away?!

While i walked home,
i hated my family for not giving me the money, my school fees.
because i want to learn so many things.
I want to do so many things i love.
But i can't.
Because my family is poor, not rich.
and i need to work.
I know everyone is tired, i know.
I am too.
Very tired and sick of it.

But when i stopped walking halfway,
my panic attacks came to me suddenly,
i nearly reached a breakdown point.
I dont know.
Everyone is fighting for nothing.
and i realised, i am fighting for nothing too.
I am fighting for nothing that i love..
Nothing..
I know Dad is suffering from his job.
and his pay is damn fucking little bit.
But the fact is, i dont understand why,
i dont understand why is he always being so pushy, so demanding?

I think don't know really know anyone of you guys beside me right?
I dont think i know myself anymore.
I dont know what i want in my life anymore.

This is a turning point in my life.
I gotta need to find the purpose in my life.
I feel ugly even though i got the blinks blinks.
I need to take up responsibility;
i need to learn.
I need to grow up.
I need to stop crying and stop getting panic attack.
I need to be mature yet be myself away.

I need time for myself now.
yet again. (:

Labels: tired and ugly

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title: DUH!
date: Friday, April 10, 2009
time:7:11 PM

I think i get what it means by the word "disappointment".

Gosh, it's suppose to be Good Friday.

They day when we thank God for sacrificing his life to save us.

SO, WHATSUP with the people today?

Everyone is out to piss me off.

SERIOUSLY!

But it's okay, Ashley is like making me happy now.

Wahahah !

Dont get me wrong, Ashley isnt my BF or GBF/BBF or anything more.

(P.S it's weird i know; GBF stands for Good/Girl-boyfriend)

oh whatever.

I had the worst morning.

First, i woke up with leg cramps.

It's bad.

IMAGINE*

you're sleeping comfortably with your dog/cat/lizard/cockroach and then SOMETHING;

SOMETHING VERY PAINFUL forces you to wake up.

How sad is that?

and i woke up at 8am.

after that i went down to kopitiam to have my breakfast with mum.

Like usual, AUNTIES are cutting my queue.

What the hell!

I've waited 30 mins for a bowl of wanton mee.

(ashley is sighing now, because he wants to eat and i'm still blogging)

ok. i dont feel like blogging now.

because the rest of my day sucks and hurts quite badly.

Amen.

"Dear God,

(this is my silent time, i'm calling on God now. shhhhhh!)

dear God, dearest God,

i know you're "dead" today,

but please dont rest now, it's getting preetttyyy bad without you here.

i can't wait till easter day.

I need to get through this day and i will be having a nightshift.

And i feel like my day is so fucked up.

So guide me through all this crap.

seriously, why do i make myself so important to others when i'm just an option to them?

i'm feeling so ridiculous now.

So please, get me thru all shits.

Aiks.

God, i want a iPhone/Samsung m8800 to make me happy now.

how contradicting as it seems but i feel that happiness is what i need more than technology now.

hais.

Dont rest.

show me the way, and i'll walk behind You.

(ashley disturbed me for 3 times alrdy)

So God, please.

anyway i feel that my mom is the best.

i love her.

i love ashley too.

but i love my mom the most.

oh not forgetting my dog.

pass my love to them.

Amen.

Labels: amen amen

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title: yea
date:
time:10:05 AM

It's funny about how people perceive about other people.

The way they think about somebody else.

I admit that I am a girl who thinks very differently from other people.

and yes, I don't believe in other's philosophies in their life.

Because philosophies are constantly always changing.

E.g : I may be your best friend today, however,

if you find a flaw in me that you totally despise (maybe say i smoke pot or weed),

the fact that i am your best friend may change into someone to gossip about.

You believe that best friend always stay as a best friend.

But who knows, your best friend has something that you hate so much.

Will he/she be your best friend like usual?

Or maybe, "hey we're gonna get married in 5 months times." (show off her hot girl to friends)

"DAMN! BABY, i dint know you're a monster that had 4 breasts!?"

-marriage cancelled-

That's life, ain't it?

It's really that stupid.

That's why philosophies are always changing.

"ohhh, i like you, you're so cute.

I believe that cute people are always so real,

they look too cute to do anything to you. awwww.."

damn you,

that's because most probably you haven't meet cute people with bad character.

who can uphold their life's philosophies?

Not many people can do that.

For, my philosophies are :

- I believed in first impression last, but i believe more in proving me your that first impression, i dont instantly like a person when i first meet them.

- I'm quite skeptic about people.

Human is what i'm talking about.

We, humans are smart animals.

Thinking animals.

EVIL animals.

Can anyone be as pure as Jesus?

NO.

Can anyone be so sure of what they want like what Jesus wants to do for us?

NO.

We are always tempted to the bad side.

OH, HE/SHE IS RICH, I MUST GET NEAR TO HIM.

that's evil lurking.

money, sex.

and gosh, i wish i have determination like what Jesus had.

It's so hard.

I dont have a purpose in life now.

i'm still finding. it's hard

I don't believe in love at first sight (provided you're not talking about idols or stars).

I believe in my belief systems.

I believe that success comes hard;

but i'll keep on trying to get the best for myself :D

I don't know how you think.

That's how i think about myself.

For now, it will be like this.

I'm sure, after a few months.

My philosophies will change again.

so dont come running to me tell me that you're sure and very sure of what you'll not do this or you will do this.

Because time changes a person.

to be better or worse.

This is how we're made to do.

to experience

to love

to hate

to be someone impt to somebody.

nobody's perfect

nobody's on the bottom

nobody's gonna be nobody.

everyone is someone special.

everyone is on the top of the world.

SO ! I am special.

for you to go crazy over me :P

(how thick-skinned. heheheheehehhe~)

Labels: what do you think?

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title: love you?
date: Wednesday, April 8, 2009
time:3:49 AM

cute ? :p

This is my dear dear Ajish going back to India.
wish him all the best and we shall see you soon ! :D
Lucy, here to say a happy birthday!
Ashley Tay, also happy birthday to you!
不要在唱“我的爱人”了啦！
心会痛的，这样子很累的，傻瓜！

Been on quite a roller coaster ride these few days;
mood goes up and down.
yeah, it is that bad.
oh my god, there's actually quite a few angels talking to me.
Giving me advices;
one of them is Michelle.
another two of them is Alvan and James (long lost friend eh!)

I should be just a lil bit more selfish to myself.
A lil more pride in whatever i do.
A tad more confident in myself.
You should be the one worrying, not me.
Why should i even be worrying and feel intimidated?

Why didn't i think of that?
AISEH!
ok. stop.
i'm mumbling to myself again.
ohhh, i know that's cute :P
heehee.

I should stabilize myself before i can do anything.
Singing K with that group of ppl is like "SHIOK" ok.
Yen is much a good singer, and i am so lousy can !
wahahahah !
(sorry, i am so random now!)

Back to topic again;
i was chatting with James and Michelle (cousin);
and i've found out that the past is always so cute.
We were talking abt the day when i was drunk and michelle's birthday.
Everything seems like Just Yesterday?

Those days that i've been drunk.
Those melodrama days.
Those cycling days.
Those laughing and drinking like mad people days.
Those stupid days.
Those fun days.
Those were the days that i fell so deep.
and you still didnt know it.
Maybe you knew it, but it wasnt you.
It was the you that used to be with me.
That was the you i'm looking for.
Not the you that have been using me.
Not the new you; the old you.

Everyone is leaving, i think the both of us should stay the same.
You reckon so?

Time off is good.
I think you should be worrying.
I know you will be worried.
Not for me but for yourself (:
ohh. i am fine now.
Michelle Kam, dont think too much too (:
You ought to have a rest.
enjoy your genting trip :D
Qinghui, dont let evil tempt you to the darkside.
heehee :P
You need to stay calm and think of yourself ok.
Other people?
They are crap.
totally.

Labels: NO, YOU LOVE ME

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